After the Beijing opening ceremony, London has a lot to live up to

The Sunday Times hints at what kind of opening ceremony we can expect in 2012....

We will surprise the world with an imaginative display of dancing health and safety inspectors, their yellow reflective jackets glittering in the spotlights. The stage will then clear to reveal an Islamic dance troupe, fully veiled, who will take us through the highlights of our history, apologising after each incident to any nations we might have inadvertently offended. The proceedings will end with a lavish and ceremonial display of binge drinking.